So, I’m in line behind a woman and her four year old and the woman is pleading – I said PLEADING – with the child to behave. She’s promised all kinds of treats, yes the sugary kind, if this cute little girl would only come back in line. Like any four year old, or really, any rebellious child who knows no boundaries, the kid ain’t interested!
Having once been a young mother with two little ones who were fourteen months apart in age, I try to reserve judgment. I can’t know what this woman has been through today. I can’t know why she won’t more decisively handle this kid, perhaps the woman herself has self-esteem issues. And as I realize that I am rationalizing this child’s behavior AND the mother’s lack of behavior, I also realize that this is a major problem with societal behavior today. But before I go there and at the risk of angering all the pleading parents out there who “don’t want to stifle their kid’s natural creativity” let me just say this: Pop That Kid!
Now there is a flip side to this and I must make mention of the young mother we see at the mall with her child(ren). “Mama, mama, mama can i…?” Mama is on her cell phone or talking to someone else, totally ignoring the child. Finally as the child attempts to climb out of the stroller to get what they want, she sees them and whacks, jerks, smacks or otherwise pops the kid. C’mon, do you really expect a kid who is being ignored by their ‘mama’ to give up on striving for attention? And what does mama do – she snatches the kid by the arm “sit your butt down in this stroller and don’t get up!” All I can say is – poor child. His mother has tuned him out so well that she probably doesn’t even hear him calling her until the 5th or 6th time. This raises a whole other conversation – one we’ll tackle in a future blog, but for now let’s just acknowledge that, hitting or spanking is NOT always the answer.
I know popular culture has made it unacceptable to spank but unfortunately that seems to equate with a lack of discipline. Who actually thinks it is reasonable to have an argument with a four year old? Sorry, I just don’t have time! Pop that kid! No, I don’t suffer from anger management problems and I don’t have violent tendencies. I suffer from having to deal with people who possess a lack of civility, decency and yes even a lack of simple courtesy. Has anyone considered that raising a generation of little people who grow up thinking their wants and desires are the only consideration of importance is actually anti-social behavior?
Now, don’t get me wrong, the first course is always to talk to or teach your child – at home so they exhibit the proper behavior in any setting. But these cunning little intelligencia’s have been learning from you and they know you will behave totally different in public places. They don’t understand what embarrassment is but they smell it and know a little tantrum will get them whatever they want irrespective of anyone else but themselves. So, if this is what you’re teaching them at age four; when do you teach them sharing and collaboration and respect for others…simple courtesy?
At age two the little darlings are just finding they are separate entities from their parents and so find power in their autonomy. They are free spirits driven by exercising their newfound powers – wake up parents, start teaching them something. At age three they know a lot of things, especially what they want. This often obnoxious behavior translates into obnoxious adulthood if left unchecked or should I say ‘not retrained’. But honestly, these are extremely important learning times for our youngsters. They are learning about people, about toys, about things and about themselves and unless you’re going to send them off to a deserted island to live alone – teach them discipline too. They’re going to grow up and spend years in therapy because they can’t figure out why no one likes them and why they have no friends. If we do not discipline our kids – while they are kids, they grow up to be adults that can’t “play well with others”. Trust me, tantrums will occur in a two, maybe even a three year old and while the discipline lessons are being taught, several terse moments may occur. However, a child who is now four, five or six should have already learned the discipline lessons.
There is no reason a four year old should be allowed to throw a temper tantrum at home or in public. A four year old can pour their cereal and milk, bathe themselves, get dressed, read, say “Thank you”, “Please”. They’ve learned how to ask for things and they understand that “no” means they will not get what they want. So on top of all the lessons these precious ones have learned; they’ve also learned how to recognize and exploit weakness. And if you let your four year old run things; you’re weak!
So, lest I sound like I’m ranting and raving let me summarize:
• I’d much rather talk to my child and explain things than have to spank them, but trust me, if the need arises I would spank them in a minute if they are disobedient. That need arises when I’ve taught them, I know they understand and they aggressively disobey. Pop that kid!
• A child raised without proper discipline will have more experiences that break their spirit than getting spanked as a child.
• Adults don’t get to have their way all the time
• Adults have to work in teams, be neighbors, be family members – get along with others without having their way
• “Because I said so!” is something I hated hearing while growing up and swore I would not say to my kids but I learned the importance of telling a kid to do something without getting their permission or agreement. Adults have to listen to and obey the voice of God without permission or agreement! Train up your child!
• If begging and pleading with your children actually worked I’d say you should never pop that kid; but so often – nine times out of ten, these children of these weak parents are ill mannered, rude, anti-social, disruptive, and obnoxious
Our society is plagued with a consciousness that seems increasingly devoid of standards, principles and values. This is probably a result of whiney little kids who learned that they could kick and scream and get their way regardless of others. We have enough problems these days. And isn’t it clear that we’re all in the same boat? If you drive from Grosse Point out to the Bloomfields you’ll see the same sheriffs notice posted on foreclosed windows there that you’ll see in Detroit and its surrounding areas. The point; we are the same! We’re parents, teachers, managers, workers, friends, family, doctors, actors, artists – we’re just people with goals and aspirations of a good life and happiness. Please don’t raise obnoxious snotty little kids. Instead raise kids to respect authority, to play with others, to share and if they don’t get it – a little POP goes a long way! And if you don’t pop that kid, remember, their teachers have overcrowded classrooms and won’t have time to deal with kids who have behavior problems. Those are the kids they stick in special ed classes… “lack of age appropriate social skills”.
