Happy New Year!!!
I am so excited about this new year! God has proven himself faithful to His word throughout all my trials in 2009 and is giving me new revelation about the path He has laid for me. Funny thing is, as He has taken me through a retrospective of my life and my relationship with Him I realize that He has been trying to “get my attention” for a very long time. I’ve been loving Him and trusting Him all my life but through this current trial where I’ve had the “opportunity” to be still and quiet, I’ve seen God take care of everything – without my help. As obstacles appeared I came to realize they were only obstacles to me – not to Him.
I want to share a couple of the most important lessons I learned this year, very simple lessons.
1. Do what you’re supposed to do and do your very best; often times we like to cry out to God to rescue us and He always does. But really, if we take care of our health, if we act with financial integrity, if we engage the Holy Spirit in our daily lives He will tell you what to do to. He will correct you along the way and this is the partnership we have with God. He does His part when we do our part and His part is SO much bigger and better than ours!
2. The other great revelation I’ve had this year was rather surprising to me. People have asked me how did I know my son could write or that my daughter was “mother to all” and I always tell them it is your job as a parent to know your children and when they show you what they’re interested in – well it’s your job to give them the tools they need. When I saw that my son could write I encouraged him to take both typing and journalism classes in high school. When my daughter wanted to spend a summer being a nanny and camp counselor (at 3 or 4 different camps) I drove her all over the state to do it. This is not about how great a mother I am, just see if you recognize yourself in this story. In that retrospective I mentioned earlier I literally had to think back to remember when I noticed certain gifts I have; I’ve had to realize them as God-given and that they’ve always been there. Does that sound vague?
I had it right with my kids, but not myself! So what is it that you love to do or you get pleasure/satisfaction from – and you’re good at it – that you don’t have time to pursue? What is on your destiny path that you’ve ignored; considering it trivial or just a hobby? Remember that every good gift is from God!
I encourage you to seek God in this new year as never before. We all have many gifts and abilities. Which ones have you set on the shelf because YOU don’t think it could be your calling? Let’s be determined this year to be all that God wants us to be and get all God wants us to get. Trust Him in all things and watch Him go to work on your behalf!
I’m trusting Him like never before as I enter Phase III of my treatment. Wednesday I’ll begin the 2nd chemo drug in my treatment; 4 hits coming. I thank God for my healing and I thank God for your prayers. I’m praying for you too! I’m praying that God’s perfect will is manifested in your life this year because I know that if you seek Him like never before it will be. In the words of Pastor Ben “Life to the 10th power!” John 10:10 Abundance in every area of our lives!!!
To God be the glory! Love U,
Darlene
Sunday, January 3, 2010
3 Down, 1 to Go
Greetings All,
Well, chemo #3 (Wed., Dec. 9) threw me for a bit of a loop! I'd gotten so used to minor irritations with my chemo treatments that when I really began to feel these side effects it took a toll on me. Now, I never threw up or had diarrhea or was constipated as they promised; but it seemed as if everything I ate just sat in the middle of my stomach...making me queasy-like. The smell of most foods turned my stomach, but I was hungry. Even drinking water had an ill effect, whether alkaline water or spring water or distilled water . . . I began to feel dull, even to feel as if I looked dull. My foot developed callouses and so I didn't walk as I've done daily and all of these things were beginning to add up to make me feel just - off. In the midst of it a sore developed on my 'short leg'. You can't wear a prosthetic when you get one of those!
After a couple of days (the following Monday) I was like "Uh, God, what's going on here, I need help. I need physical strength." He reminded me of a dream I had the night before that last chemo hit; here's the dream:
"this huge wolf (like that wolf on the Twilight New Moon commercials) was terrorizing the neighborhood, killing and hurting people. I was in an office that had frosted glass doors and that wolf was trying to get me. Each time he lunged at the door I could see his shadow and kicked at the very spot he leapt. (and you know which leg I used!) After his 3rd attempt he left. Then I ended up in the basement of one of the neighbors who had a large family, their basement was finished off into another living area. Some of the other neighbors had gathered there also and we began to strategize how to fight this wolf. I saw the ironing board and iron in the room and said "let's plug in that iron, fill it up with water and when he lunges at us we spray him with the steam then stab him with the hot iron." I got elected to do just that and the other neighbors began gathering other things to use as weapons."
I woke elated just to have remembered the dream...then when I thought about it I said "That's why I have a bionic leg! to make it easier to fight!" Not only did I fight this wolf but got with others who were like-minded (tired of being attacked) and strategized, planned a defense. Later that day after my chemo I went out to Zerbos (chemo custom) and when I turned on the CD Pastor Ben was saying "I'm speaking to you prophetically, a bunch of you are gonna have dreams, that will show you what to do about your enemies." (i paraphrased that)!"
You can just imagine the light bulbs going off in my head when I remembered that dream. Almost immediately I began to feel better as I realized God had already prepared me by telling me the attack was coming and I'd have to fight. Well, I'm pretty much back up to my normal water intake, I've stopped eating inappropriate things (even though I felt like eating them would not make me sick) and by tomorrow I'll be doing all those things that helped me breeze through the 1st 2 hits. Remember He already showed me (in the dream) the weapon was something right there at my fingertips - I'll repeat these 5, Eat Right!, Drink water = to 1/2 ur body weight! Walk your body! Go to bed! Be happy, no stress!
SO, I've got my war clothes on, my confessions together and I'm engaging YOU to be in prayer with me - you know what your weapons are (Ephesians 6). One more hit - Wednesday December 23, 9:30am. Yes it is the day before Christmas Eve and I have no intention of being sick or sickly ever again. I'm speaking to the mountain, preparing my body to funnel those drugs to ONLY the cancer in my body, ONLY to the disease in my body. I am arming my immune system to fight anything that doesn't belong, to stand strong against the chemo - sending it to the tumor rather than allowing it to destroy good cells and trust me I am not doing it with more drugs! And in case I haven't mentioned it the tumor is shrinking. . . before my eyes.
3 down and 1 to go! Thanks for walking with me; praying for me. I so value the prayers of the saints and I can't wait to share my clean bill of health with you, my Redeemer has promised it!
love,
Darlene
P.S. You know y'all are gonna hafta buy the book right?! :-)
Well, chemo #3 (Wed., Dec. 9) threw me for a bit of a loop! I'd gotten so used to minor irritations with my chemo treatments that when I really began to feel these side effects it took a toll on me. Now, I never threw up or had diarrhea or was constipated as they promised; but it seemed as if everything I ate just sat in the middle of my stomach...making me queasy-like. The smell of most foods turned my stomach, but I was hungry. Even drinking water had an ill effect, whether alkaline water or spring water or distilled water . . . I began to feel dull, even to feel as if I looked dull. My foot developed callouses and so I didn't walk as I've done daily and all of these things were beginning to add up to make me feel just - off. In the midst of it a sore developed on my 'short leg'. You can't wear a prosthetic when you get one of those!
After a couple of days (the following Monday) I was like "Uh, God, what's going on here, I need help. I need physical strength." He reminded me of a dream I had the night before that last chemo hit; here's the dream:
"this huge wolf (like that wolf on the Twilight New Moon commercials) was terrorizing the neighborhood, killing and hurting people. I was in an office that had frosted glass doors and that wolf was trying to get me. Each time he lunged at the door I could see his shadow and kicked at the very spot he leapt. (and you know which leg I used!) After his 3rd attempt he left. Then I ended up in the basement of one of the neighbors who had a large family, their basement was finished off into another living area. Some of the other neighbors had gathered there also and we began to strategize how to fight this wolf. I saw the ironing board and iron in the room and said "let's plug in that iron, fill it up with water and when he lunges at us we spray him with the steam then stab him with the hot iron." I got elected to do just that and the other neighbors began gathering other things to use as weapons."
I woke elated just to have remembered the dream...then when I thought about it I said "That's why I have a bionic leg! to make it easier to fight!" Not only did I fight this wolf but got with others who were like-minded (tired of being attacked) and strategized, planned a defense. Later that day after my chemo I went out to Zerbos (chemo custom) and when I turned on the CD Pastor Ben was saying "I'm speaking to you prophetically, a bunch of you are gonna have dreams, that will show you what to do about your enemies." (i paraphrased that)!"
You can just imagine the light bulbs going off in my head when I remembered that dream. Almost immediately I began to feel better as I realized God had already prepared me by telling me the attack was coming and I'd have to fight. Well, I'm pretty much back up to my normal water intake, I've stopped eating inappropriate things (even though I felt like eating them would not make me sick) and by tomorrow I'll be doing all those things that helped me breeze through the 1st 2 hits. Remember He already showed me (in the dream) the weapon was something right there at my fingertips - I'll repeat these 5, Eat Right!, Drink water = to 1/2 ur body weight! Walk your body! Go to bed! Be happy, no stress!
SO, I've got my war clothes on, my confessions together and I'm engaging YOU to be in prayer with me - you know what your weapons are (Ephesians 6). One more hit - Wednesday December 23, 9:30am. Yes it is the day before Christmas Eve and I have no intention of being sick or sickly ever again. I'm speaking to the mountain, preparing my body to funnel those drugs to ONLY the cancer in my body, ONLY to the disease in my body. I am arming my immune system to fight anything that doesn't belong, to stand strong against the chemo - sending it to the tumor rather than allowing it to destroy good cells and trust me I am not doing it with more drugs! And in case I haven't mentioned it the tumor is shrinking. . . before my eyes.
3 down and 1 to go! Thanks for walking with me; praying for me. I so value the prayers of the saints and I can't wait to share my clean bill of health with you, my Redeemer has promised it!
love,
Darlene
P.S. You know y'all are gonna hafta buy the book right?! :-)
It’s a Good Thing I Am not My Hair!
Music is so fortunate to have wonderfully, gifted, talented ladies like Jill Scott and Alicia Keys and India Arie. These are real ladies with real talent. I mean, how many times have you got a 'feel good' while singing “living your life like it’s golden” or “some people want it all, but I don’t want nothing at all if I ain’t got you baby”. Today I’m vibing India Arie. “I am not my hair!” I tried verse 6 on for a reality check.
“Breast Cancer and Chemotherapy
Took away her crown and glory
She promised God if she was to survive
She would enjoy everyday of her life ooh
On national television
Her diamond eyes are sparkling
Bald headed like a full moon shining
Singing out to the whole wide world like HEY...”
You know the funny thing is that it’s the only real effect of chemo I’ve experienced. Oh, I haven’t told you have I. Well, the other day I decided to wash my hair, it was 3 or 4 days after my last chemo hit. Some of it came out in my hands, not too unusual after taking down my braids. I even put conditioner in it and rinsed. It was only when I pulled the wide toothed comb through did I realize the comb was like a barbers clippers cutting through a “leaping fro”. It only took 5 or 6 strokes of the comb to see that my hair, which hung just below my shoulder, was now less than 1 inch long. Do I sound upset?
I’m really not, it’s just hair and I was tired of having to die it, perm it, press it, braid it, twist it. The upsetting part of this process is that I lost my hair because of CANCER! This thing is a cankerworm that is literally eating away at the population at alarming rates. Do any of you NOT know someone with cancer? It is indiscriminate, it hates human beings and it is NOT God’s creation. How crazy is it that it is no longer unusual to know someone with cancer?
Anyway, I kinda like the feel of the smooth skin on my head, it’s very soft. And the shape is not that bad either, ha, ha! Of course I had to call two of my brothers and ask them how to take care of my hairless dome. And fellas beware, I’m kind of impulsive – please forgive me if I walk up to you and stroke your smooth shiny head; I’m just checking to see if it’s as smooth as mine. I gotta tell you I’m enjoying the freedom of it but I just have one question – how do you stand it in the winter???????
I am truly not my hair and that’s a good thing!
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